I’m a nine year old boy with a criminal record.
I look after a Killer Whale at my local zoo. I make it eat rats and
put fireworks on it’s back. We have such a great time. I’ve
called him Foreskin.
The other day all my friends came round and we collected up some sticks
and poked at his eyes. The boss came out and told us to quit it. But
when he turned his back I got Foreskin with a right jab in his eye
that made a squelching sound and we all went, “urgh!”
other day I was teaching him to swear. But he wouldn't do it so I
made him eat some batteries. Then my friends came round with some
bangers and we set one off in Foreskin's blow hole. We couldn't put
on a show for a week while the boss got all the blood and flesh out
of the tank. He said that Foreskin was lucky he wasn't killed. He
said I was a little bastard. But then the lady, who has been teaching
me to make Foreskin do tricks, hugged me and told the boss that I
had issues. And I cried. It was a real human moment. Like from a film
Sometimes Foreskin gets poorly and we have to feed him special medicine.
It’s really expensive so we can only afford one bottle. I brought
it into school and we all tasted it for dares. One of the bigger boys
said no problem he could drink it all, and then he poured it over
this girl and she screamed and told on him. She got a rash, which
was funny. But it meant that we had no medicine for Foreskin when
he got ill. To get the money for the medicine the boss re-mortgaged
his house. He's a Native Indian. I see him crying sometimes in the
office, but I don’t ask him what’s wrong because he always
shouts and says I’m an incompetent and he doesn’t know
why he ever let a nine year old boy work at the blasted damn zoo.
When I grow up, I want to look after Foreskin all the time and maybe
release him into the wild and train him to kill other whales. Especially
Blue Whales. I think Foreskin would be the toughest whale in the whole
sea. He would kick those other whales asses, no problem.
FEW MONTHS LATER...
There's a nasty business man who wants to kill Foreskin so he can
get the insurance money from him. Me and the boss had a plan to stop
him and release Foreskin by making him jump over this sea wall so
he'd survive. But the business man gave me an XBox and $200 to spend
on games. How cool is that? My friends think I’m the coolest.
I don’t even go to school because I’m always playing it.
I don’t go and visit Foreskin that often anymore either. And
I’ve gone off the idea of trying to release him. He’s
probably dead anyway. Besides, I want to be an astronaut. Astronauts
are fucking cool.